Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Five o'clock poem

Poema das cinco horas

I feel fear of taking action
With the fear of taking it bad
So I stay with no attitude
In the wait that some atitude
Take care of me.

Today life drowned me
And I almost drowned in it
But grace life has
And with grace I feel getting out
Out of my own drowing, out of me
I watered the garden
And it watered me
I cleaned from the green the dryed flowers
And I bloomed myself
Now in the daily cultive
Something of good will grow
It's meant to be something worthy

And I worth myself
In been in my place today so many places I looked for
I went till Latvia and till Ucrain
And I felt like talk with my silent one
I reflect in my own silence why
And no answer came
Why?

In my writing
I write myself
In the attemp of writing
And rolled in my own words
They hold me
In the comfort of my life

I already dont's feel lonely
That anguish has gone
For them how much love
And from me let be what is for

POEMA DAS CINCO HORAS

Estou com medo de tomar ações
Por medo de toma-las mal
E assim fico sem atitude,
Na espera de que uma atitude
Tome conta de mim.

Hoje a vida me afogou
E eu quase me afoguei nela
Mas graça a vida tem
E com graça sinto sair-me
Sair do afogo, sair de mim
Reguei o jardim
E ele me regou
Limpei do verde as folhas secas
E em mim brotei
Agora no cultivo diário
Algo de bom nascerá
Ah de nascer coisa que valha

E me valho de mim mesma
E no meu canto hoje procurei tanto lugar
Fui até a Letônia e a Ucrânia
E fiquei com vontade de com o Chris falar
Me refleti em meu silêncio e me perguntei por que
E nada em resposta veio
Será por que?

Em minha escrita
me escrevo
na tentativa de escrever
E mesmo em palavras embolada
Elas me embalam
No conforto de minha mente
Prazer

Já não me sinto só
Aquela angustia se foi
De Anna Ulla quanto amor
E de mim seja o que for.

Angustia

Minha angustia é a de uma jovem artista,
Enredada em sua própria mente temporal
Num tempo, toda expressão,
Noutro, toda silêncio.
Procuro a entrada de minha mente
E só consigo alcança-la pela fresta
É a sensação de uma constante tangente
Paralela a grande idéia

Sombra e água fresca

Sombra e água fresca

Toma homem, um pouco de água
Pare um instante, por favor
Em meio a essa louca vida,
Permeando todos os acontecimento
(De seu ser)
Esta a tua ambígua existência
E você é só um
Não é mais ninguém
Além de você

Para.
Sinta-te, perceba-te
O que é que você quer?
Qual é tua origem?
Pra onde você quer ir?
Essas referências não precisam ter ligações
Perceba-te, por favor
Se um dia a mãe ...
Hoje seja você
Não seja a lembrança
Surpreenda-se contigo mesmo

Photos

Windows

Tenho aberta em minha frente tantas janelas para possibilidades infinitas.
I have infront me so many windows, open to infinit possibilities.

I open my eyes and the moments are existing
I find no one whom I can go crazy with.
Everyone is living it's own reality
And it's so small, is so theirs
I dont fit in no ones reality
And I want all in my own
And no one fits in
And I fade away
Little by little
In the bag
I dream.

Thinking about what is all about

I wake up every day and I feel an inpulse of life inside me. I want to live, and the living life turns me still. I wonder. I feel helpless. That is my statment now. I simply don't know what to do with my life. I am so far away from the people whom I felt confortable, with whom I was sharing deeply and honestly. And they are all close, but my reality here, far away in the Brazilian land, is so different. I am alone, and everyone is so different, I want something that I'm not finding here, and I'm not finding in me the strength to simply DO. I feel my inside is massy. I'm totaly helpless.

And a spark of insanity and a spark of nothingness and I feel happy and not. And I feel and I don't. And the herb help and not. And I say to do and I do not. And the day passes by and life goes on, and I plan and life has happened already. I know my reality is here, but where. Who is to be part of my reality now. My reality is what it is. I wake up every day and I feel an impulse of life inside me. I take breakfast with mum and we see the TV news, or simply the Tv. And I get in the virtual reality of my mind and I can fly far away, because I don't want to be here. And here I am and am not. I want to call to everyone, to find someone who want to creat a new reality with me. I keep traying to go out, because in so big inside I feel scared. I don't want to find. And I need help.

What is the solution? Who will the formula set it free? I've tried the crying out loud and the crying inside, and I have only hear me. No voice came, no stillness was found. Just a ocean of memories and ideas and nothing to do. I want to be needed and I am in a cocoon. I didn't manage to talk about my experience.

All the time a new idea, it's like a thousand lifes living inside me, one want to be still with AfL friends, the other call's me here, the other is in Bahia and so where should it be?