Thinking about what is all about

I wake up every day and I feel an inpulse of life inside me. I want to live, and the living life turns me still. I wonder. I feel helpless. That is my statment now. I simply don't know what to do with my life. I am so far away from the people whom I felt confortable, with whom I was sharing deeply and honestly. And they are all close, but my reality here, far away in the Brazilian land, is so different. I am alone, and everyone is so different, I want something that I'm not finding here, and I'm not finding in me the strength to simply DO. I feel my inside is massy. I'm totaly helpless.

And a spark of insanity and a spark of nothingness and I feel happy and not. And I feel and I don't. And the herb help and not. And I say to do and I do not. And the day passes by and life goes on, and I plan and life has happened already. I know my reality is here, but where. Who is to be part of my reality now. My reality is what it is. I wake up every day and I feel an impulse of life inside me. I take breakfast with mum and we see the TV news, or simply the Tv. And I get in the virtual reality of my mind and I can fly far away, because I don't want to be here. And here I am and am not. I want to call to everyone, to find someone who want to creat a new reality with me. I keep traying to go out, because in so big inside I feel scared. I don't want to find. And I need help.

What is the solution? Who will the formula set it free? I've tried the crying out loud and the crying inside, and I have only hear me. No voice came, no stillness was found. Just a ocean of memories and ideas and nothing to do. I want to be needed and I am in a cocoon. I didn't manage to talk about my experience.

All the time a new idea, it's like a thousand lifes living inside me, one want to be still with AfL friends, the other call's me here, the other is in Bahia and so where should it be?